Fears and Overcoming Them

The last couple of days has been very long and stress filled. A few weeks ago our bishop asked us to speak in church. I totally thought that when he asked us down to his office he was going to have us set apart for our new callings, we had just been called as the CTR 5 teachers. So when a man came in and asked Travis if we would stop in to see the Bishop on our way home I assured him we had nothing to fear. Of course I was totally wrong.

As we were walking down the hall towards the bishop's office I was reassuring Travis that it was nothing, We were just going to be set apart no big deal and no worries. Instead of stopping outside the office Travis just kept walking towards the door trying to avoid the whole situation when I reminded him that we still needed to see the bishop, I thought it was pretty funny that he thought he could pretend that we did not agree to the meeting.

So we got into the office and we are sitting down and of course all the small talk of how are you and that sort of thing. When out of the blue the bishop asks us if we would be willing to speak in a few weeks. Total silence...I was taken aback. I was not expecting this at all. We just got called, we are supposed to be getting set apart, right? Well, I looked at Travis for a response and he said nothing. We had talked about this every week since moving out here. We had agreed that since we were both deathly afraid of public speaking that we would decline the offer imediately and have some kind of excuse as to why we would not be able to speak.

But there we were and no one was saying anything. Travis said nothing and so I asked the bishop if there was possibly ANYTHING else that we could do besides give talks, he just smiled and said nothing. So I came to the decision that we could not just say no. Everyone was expected to give talks when they are new to the ward, right? I mean it's not that big of a deal, everyone has a their day. So I asked him what the topic was and we agreed to speak. We walked out of the office wondering what we had gotten ourselves into.

So I was not too nervous up until last night. My legs were feeling like jello and that they would collapse at anytime. Travis has been nervous for a while now and he also had some big reviews going on at work that were stressing him out, so we just wanted the day to come and get it over with. I wrote my talk on delighting in the things of the Lord, from Sister Susan Tanner's talk at our last conference, and mainly focused on Eternal life as one of the main things that I had been given that I could find delight in. I had been thinking about it the whole day before and I was looking through the church website wondering what I wanted to say, and Eternal Life just jumped out at me and I felt really strongly that this is what I was to talk about. Travis Talked about not procrastinating our repentance until tomorrow, but to do it today. I was really proud of myself that I came up with so many pages, I had 14. I have never talked more than 5 min. before and the bishop told us that we each had 15 min. to speak. So I was armed with alot of info.

So we get to church extremely early and we are soooo ready to give our talks and be done with it. Sitting there waiting for all the people to come in I was actually alot calmer than I was at home. Once it was finally my turn to speak. I had a bit of a rough start, my voice was a little shaky but I told myself to just calm down and the rest went really smoothly. I talked for like 20 min. I was so proud of myself and I didn't even cry! I always end in a huge release of embarrassing emotion every time I talk and this time I felt really good when I was done.

After my talk the young women sang a beautiful song that I had never heard, it was really sweet. Then it was Travis' turn to speak and I had not left him much time but he did really well I thought. I was very proud of him. Anyway, so we were done with our talks and feeling really good for the rest of church. We also had to prepare to teach our 5 year olds their lessons and try to control them throughout primary which went way better this week than any other week we have had to teach so far.

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I had a HUGE fear, well, we both did, of public speaking , but I think that if I have to do it again, that it can only get better. I feel really good about how my talk went and better about myself. I am glad that we have the church to help us to overcome our weaknesses and become better people. And I am glad that I have Travis to help me and support me in whatever comes up in our lives. Sorry this is a long post but I really wanted to write down how this has effected my life specifically and I guess I am greatful that I got the chance to speak. I also think that now I feel more a part of the ward, more welcomed, and now people know who we are. It's good.